Pulp Fiction – Exam Results in RVCE

Posted: January 31, 2013 by Jinkchak in RVCE, RVCE CSE, Short Stories
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

secret_meeting_arsThe semester end examination results were published some time between January 26th and 31st (inclusive), 2013 AD. Here’s the whole story behind it.

An unreliable source informed us about a conversation that took place in the wee hours of Friday, January 25th, 2013.

“Yesssss! I WON,” squeaked the Squeaky One, as loudly as his voice permitted him to squeak, while leaping into the air with a heavily mangled badminton racquet clutched in his hand. Our unreliable source, who was scrutinizing the scene from an inconspicuous location in the shadows of the Badminton court of the old sports complex of RVCE, wondered if the squeaky one had just won an Olympic medal.

sportscomplex

Rambo hung his head down in shame while trudging his way towards the chairs on the side of the court. After he had gained his breath, Rambo turned to the Squeaky One, who was still leaping up and down (as though he was in an infinite loop) and beckoned him to sit, to which the Squeaky One happily complied.

“It’s not whether you win or lose; it’s how you play the game!” said Rambo, after the Squeaky One had sat down.

“And you sure played horribly, Sire,” retorted the Squeaky One, chuckling.

“Oh! Why didn’t the world end on December 21st, 2012 AD?” mumbled Rambo.

“What was that you said, eh?” enquired the Squeaky One.

Determined to change the topic, Rambo said, “Nothing. So, what have you been up to? Have you been successful in all your schemes?”

“Of course, Sire! After you hear about all my accomplishments, I’m sure you will be proud of me,” replied the Squeaky One.

“Well, go on. I’m curious. What did you do?”

“Remember how students of RVCE were made to write an exam on a Sunday, yet again, just like they had last semester? Well, you’ll be extremely glad to know that this was the general response:

bandh

“Bravo! Students are finally taking notice of our sinister plans,” said Rambo, rubbing his hands together with glee. “And they thought it was just a coincidence,” continued Rambo.

“There are no coincidences, Rambo… only the illusion of coincidence!”

The Squeaky One and Rambo guffawed.

“Then, what else?” asked Rambo.

“When students were in the midst of their semester end exams, busy studying and thinking that nothing could get worse, and they had at least two weeks of holidays to look forward to; I dropped a bombshell by informing them that their holiday season would last only one week for most, and less than a week for some students.”

“That was awesome!” exclaimed Rambo, tapping the Squeaky One on the back.

“Actually, I must thank the NBA Committee. I wouldn’t have thought about that bombshell if it hadn’t been for them,” said the Squeaky One.

“NBA? What’s that?”

“The National Basketball Association. Haven’t you heard of them? Why else do you think the atmosphere in and around RVCE, was drastically different from previous years? Why do you think I was forced to give the hostelites proper internet connectivity? Who came up with that rule which stated that those who parked their vehicles in non-parking areas would have to pay a Rs. 200 fine? The credit goes to me. Well, not all the credit…Perhaps 20% of the credit should go to this guy:

simply

“You’ll be glad to know that my scheme worked. In fact, once everyone started following this rule, the campus looked remarkably different…I removed this rule once the NBA left. A few days later, you might have noticed the following scenario:

internet2

“Oh! That was all because of you? Marvelous!” exclaimed Rambo. “I heard that you were the mastermind behind the Global Elective Selection fiasco (Click here to read the Jinkchak Survival Guide to Selecting Global Electives in RVCE). And Rs. 19,500 for the college bus fare – only a rocket scientist could have come up with that figure. You never cease to amaze me, Squeaky One. By the way, do you have any other tricks up your sleeve?” said Rambo.

“You betcha! Listen to this. Not long ago, I purchased some useless servers (which were manufactured almost 30 years ago) from a road-side hawker in Kengeri. I had to pay a premium price for them and I ended up getting cheated by him (In fact, one server is a top-loading washing machine!). But I don’t mind because it’s all for a noble cause – torturing students. Anyway, www.rvce.edu.in is currently being hosted on those servers.”

“Well, go on,” said Rambo, when the Squeaky One paused for a second too long, as though he had been stupefied by the following page:

website

“Alrighty! You might remember that the results of the semester end exams are to be published on January 26th, 2013.”

“Yes. Yes, I remember!”

“Well, guess what?! The results won’t be published on that day. Let students panic and get frustrated when the RVCE website doesn’t load on that day. On the next day, which happens to be Sunday, January 27th, do not…I repeat…DO NOT publish the 3rd, 5th and 7th semester results. Publish only the 1st semester results in the morning.”

“But why are you being so lenient towards the first-year students?”

“Listen carefully. You’ll understand soon enough. It’s all part of my master-plan! When they hear that their results are out, the first year students will all flock to www.rvce.edu.in, amidst numerous error messages. At the same time, students of the other semesters will start panicking as they wait for their results, which they hope will appear, in a few minutes or hours.

brace

“And you know what?!” continued the Squeaky One. “They’ll have to keep ‘bracing’ themselves for three more days. In the meantime, ask RVCE Updates to spread the following news: “Results will be declared on Wednesday” (January 30th). When this auspicious day finally arrives, absolutely nothing will be published on the RVCE website. But the students won’t know that. Let them keep accessing the website from morning to night, hoping that the results will arrive soon. If the panic doesn’t drive them mad, my useless servers will. For students who actually go to the RVCE campus to get their exam results, tell them that the results are out but do not…I repeat, DO NOT tell them on which notice boards the results are displayed. Organize a sort of Treasure Hunt (or should I say Results Hunt?) within the campus. Killing two birds with one stone, so to speak!”

“I can visualize everything that you’ve said! Incredible! You are a genius! I can’t wait to see the ‘results’ – no pun intended – of this plan of yours.” exclaimed Rambo, over-awed. “Do you mind if I make a suggestion?”

“Go right ahead, Rambs.”

“Well, do you know about the discounts you get (in shops) when you buy items in bulk? For instance, buying two soap bars simultaneously instead of one, is cheaper.”

The Squeaky One’s head bobbed up and down.

“Why don’t we apply the same scheme to Make-up examinations in RVCE?”

“How?”

“I have it all figured out…For instance, if students apply for two subjects, they’ll save Rs. 60; for three subjects, they’ll save Rs. 120 and so on.”

189272_423136211098464_1014468884_n

“An extremely enticing scheme! Bravo! Who knew that make-up examinations can be ‘sold’ like hot cakes? You are a shrewd businessman, Rambo.” asked the Squeaky One.

“Oh! I can’t wait for January 31st. Th—“

Rambo was interrupted mid-sentence by the sound of a bouncing table-tennis ball that had been inadvertently displaced by the unreliable source’s foot while shifting from his vantage point near the table-tennis tables. Before Rambo and the Squeaky One could gather their senses and discover the intruder’s position, the unreliable source made himself scarce.

Realizing that their meeting had been compromised, Rambo and the Squeaky One, without bothering to dispense with the necessary formalities of departure, ran for their lives, away from the old sports complex.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

Moving Back to the Future –

Location: RVCE

Time: 9:50 AM IST on Thursday, January 31, 2013 AD

notice meme

Photos obtained from Mr. you…yeah YOU!’s phone. No Wrongs Unreserved.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons is entirely coincidental. The phrases, memes and photos in this story are the properties of their respective owners.

Comments
  1. I truly appreciate this post. Iˇ¦ve been looking everywhere for this! Thank goodness I found it on Bing. You have made my day! Thx again

  2. Your Secret Admirer says:

    A brilliant work of art…………awesome imagination you have. long live jinkchak

  3. […] for…) extraordinary experiences outlined in Selecting Global Electives in RVCE, The X-Files I and Pulp Fiction, and this was no exception to the rule. So, it was with utmost anxiety that students clicked this […]

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