The Jinkchak Survival Guide to Paying Examination Fees in RVCE

Posted: November 10, 2011 by Jinkchak in RVCE, RVCE CSE
Tags: , , , , , , ,


It’s that time of the semester when students from RVCE CSE as well as all other departments of the college have to pay their Examination Fees. What’s the big deal, you ask? It’s no big deal if you pay your fees at least a week before the due date. But what if you’re like me…yeah ME, and remember to pay the fees at most two days before the deadline? Well, you’re right! It spells DOOM!

Not if you follow My…yeah MY! survival guide to accomplish this task. Tried but never tested, this guide, written in an algorithmic format, will surely help you in ways you’ve never dreamed of.

Note: This Greedy algorithm is only applicable to those who intend to pay the fees with Cash only. This Greedy algorithm may or may not be efficient.

1)      Go to the administrative block (yeah…that block next to that silly construction site…) and collect an empty challan from the cashier.

2)      Fill up an empty sheet of the challan with all the information asked, including the date – Don’t forget this.

3)      Repeat step 2 two more times, and then, rest your aching hands for around five minutes.

4)      Go to the same cashier you got the challan from. Read step 5.

5)      If he is present at that counter,

  • Ask him to scrawl his beautiful signature (that can be easily forged) on the challan – 3 times.

Else

  • You can assume that he has gone for lunch. Therefore, wait for at least one hour OR come back the next day and repeat step 4.

6)      Now that you have his signature, head to the RVCE ING Vysya Bank.

7)      When you reach there, you’ll find hundreds of students standing in a zigzag queue, shaped like a snake or Black Mamba.

8)      Don’t’ get overwhelmed. Hakuna Matata! Just go to step 9

9)      Firstly, know that the students here can be put into two categories:

  • Those who are in the queue, and have friends who aren’t in the queue.
  • Those who are not in the queue, but have friends standing in the queue.

10)   If you wish to be a part of the 1st category, go to step 14

11)   If you’re sure that you belong to the 2nd category, go to step 12

12)   Great! You found a good friend to help you with this silly task. Give him/her your challan, and sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Your future now depends on whether your friend follows steps 13 to 32.

13)   If your friend succeeds, go to step 34, else go to step 9.

14)   Firstly, let me commend you for your bravery. Deciding to stand in the queue is no easy task, and may be the toughest task you’ve ever faced. Don’t worry, though. Please read on.

15)   DO NOT stand at the end of queue, for you may end up standing there for the rest of your life.

16)   Instead, go round the back of the bank, through the field, and pretend you’re going to the ATM.

17)   There’ll be a bench nearby, next to the queue. Sit on it, and pretend you’re writing something on the challan. After about 30 seconds, get up and walk sideways towards the queue, and join the queue.

18)   Just a cautionary note:

  •  A security guard strolls up and down, near that part of the queue, with an eye out for people joining the queue in the middle. Beware of him. If he catches sight of you, you’ll have to go to step 9.
  • Depending on the time of day and his mood, the security guard will suddenly try to block your path by tying a wire haphazardly in front of you. Don’t worry! All you have to do is crawl underneath it when he’s not looking, and you’ll reach the other side.

19)   If you’ve made it this far, Congratulations! There’s nothing more you can do, except wait till you’re within 3 feet of the entrance of the bank. This might take one hour under suitable conditions, or it might take many hours.

20)   During this time, some friends might spot you, and hand you their challans, asking you to be a good Samaritan, and pay their fees too. You can choose to accept or not, but know that with every 2 challans you decide to take, the amount of time you spend inside the bank will increase exponentially.

21)   When you’re within 3 feet of the bank’s entrance, go to step 22

22)   Don’t be surprised to find that this region is very active and restless, like a volcano. This part of the course will test your strength and endurance, and luck. You’ll be pushed and pulled in all possible directions; you’ll scream out in pain when someone steps on your toes; you’ll be greeted with the stench of sweat everywhere; your clothes will be drenched with your own and others’ sweat; you might even find it difficult to breathe…In the end, it all boils down to this…and this is what it all boils down to – The Survival of the Fittest. So, Never give up! Just read step 23.

23)   The doors of the bank will be opened at irregular intervals of time. When they do open, just make sure you’re standing in front of the opening leading into the bank. At some point of time, you’ll eventually be pushed into the bank.

24)   Just a cautionary note: Beware of the bank official, affectionately known as “Mr. Lumboo”, whose height is, I think, more than 6”4’. He has an unimaginable amount of strength, and if he sees you pushing a lot, he’ll pick you up by the scruff of your neck and throw you out of the queue. If he sees you handing over your challan to anybody else, he’ll reach out with his extremely long hands and confiscate it for 15 seconds.

25)   Once you manage to get inside the bank, 2/3rd of your mission is complete. Take a deep breath. The AC will be on, so you can cool down for some time. As you look at the outside world from the bank, with all the students banging the doors and windows of the bank, and the officials struggling to lock the doors and windows of the bank as if the end of the world is nearing, you just might think that you’re one of the actors in Resident Evil 5, with the bank as your safehouse, and zombies outside…

After a few seconds, the following thought might suddenly spring up in your mind: “What is the world coming to? Is this a dream? How is it possible for students to be so eager to pay the fees, while the bank officials are so eager to prevent them from doing so? Oh!! The IRONY!”

After you cool down, go to step 26

26)   There will be two cashiers – one dark man and another man with spectacles. The dark man enjoys long walks (walks that last for at least half-an-hour), and loves to spot minute mistakes in each challan.

27)   If you want to spend a lot of time inside the bank, (which may not be such a bad idea considering the fact that you can enjoy the AC), stand in the queue at the dark man’s counter. Otherwise, go to the other man.

28)   If you go to the dark man, you’ll face the following problems:

  • If your challan is crumpled or separated into 3 disjoint sheets, he’ll tell you to get a new challan. Therefore, go to step 1. If your challan is tearing apart, but not separated into 3 disjoint sheets, he’ll accept it.
  • If the date on your challan isn’t the current date, you cannot overwrite and change it. You’ll have to get a new challan. Therefore, go to step 1

29)   If you aren’t in the mood to tackle such problems, just go to the other man. Life will be simpler. On the other hand, if you do decide to stick with the dark man, feel free to throw all sorts of foul words or signs at him. He won’t budge, which can only mean one of two things – Either he doesn’t understand any bad words OR he’s ignoring you. Whatever the case may be, you’ll feel relieved after yelling.

30)   If you forgot to get the signature of the guy in the administrative block, you must be really unlucky. Go to step 4 and experience the torture once again.

31)   For the bank, Lunch is at 2:30PM IST. If it’s 2:30 PM IST, feel free to go back to step 9 – It just might not be your lucky day!

32)   Pay the money; get back the change (if necessary) and the student copy of the challan.

33)   Only two challans will be accepted per person. If you have more challans,

  • You’ll have to go to the end of the queue, and repeat all the steps starting from step 26.

Else

  • Go to step 34.

34)   Take your challan, and go to the Exam Section in the Admin Block (2nd Floor) in the Administrative block to collect your application form.

35)   Fill up the form with the necessary details; stick 3 stamp-size photos (Don’t worry if you have only Passport size photos. Just trim them, and stick them); get your respective HOD’s signature and submit the form to some guy in the Exam Section in the Admin block (2nd Floor). You might face some more problems during this step, but let’s leave them for another time. I’m exhausted.

36)   Poof! That’s it. You’re done. Congratulations! You have completed one of the toughest obstacle courses in RVCE! It’s over…well, not quite. Read step 37.

37)   Don’t be disappointed when you realize that, after this entire circus, the deadline has been extended…

38)   Next semester, start from step 1…

Source: Personal Experience

This Greedy Algorithm was brought to you by The 21st Century Me…yeah ME! Production Company. No part of this algorithm may be reproduced in any form whatsoever, without the explicit permission of The 21st Century Me…yeah ME! Production Company.

Comments
  1. FACER says:

    Nice experience you got there…too bad hadn’t experienced such torture when I was there. We hostelites would get an Exclusive VIP pass which all the day scholars would look and feel jealous of!

  2. Shenoy says:

    Y take all this trouble..if u r hostellite u will get direct entry 4 acc transfer ..hostellites rock

  3. This is hilarious. Brilliantly written, I was chuckling and shaking my head. You couldn’t have been more accurate.

    You might think it’s bad for you..(Whichever semester you’re in) but it’s actual horror for us, first semester children. You have ANOTHER form to submit. http://www.vtu.ac.in, the site takes a good few years to open and discovering the form is like an adventure all on its own.

    Have a nice day, stranger.

  4. […] This Greedy Algorithm is  brought to you by The 21st Century Me…yeah ME! Production Company Posted in: Wassup […]

  5. jiraiya-boy says:

    And what happens when you forget to take the HODs signature?
    *gulp

  6. Anonymous says:

    borinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

  7. mr.toooooolazytoread says:

    wat the hell do you even have a life bro !!!! 😛 😛

  8. sagar says:

    U could have done all the things in 30min if u had bunked a class from 3.15to 4.15.

  9. lol ‘snake or black mamba’!

  10. Anonymous says:

    Dont forget to collect your change…they say ‘collect at evening’..f u agree den u lost ur change…lol

  11. […] improvement in the process of paying examination fees after this article was published – The Jinkchak Survival Guide to Paying Examination Fees in RVCE? Well, this was definitely one occasion that this blog proved its worth, if I may say so […]

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