The X-Files II : Criminal Minds

Posted: August 13, 2010 by Jinkchak in Jinkchak, RVCE, RVCE CSE, Short Stories, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!!!
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It was half past midnight. Both of them were sitting in a corner of that room, in pitch darkness. There was silence everywhere. There was a full moon in the sky, but unfortunately, it remained covered by clouds. At times, when the clouds chose to uncover the moon, light streamed through the small windows in the corner of that room, and the silhouettes of the two men sitting on stools along with a few computers in front of them could be perceived. Two cups of coffee (though the source wasn’t sure if it was coffee) were lying next to them.

The unreliable source tried to get a good look at their faces, but however much he tried, failed to catch any glimpse of their features. He did, however, have a chance to deduce, by listening to their voices, that these two men were the ones he had seen earlier, on that fateful night in June. Yup! You guessed right! One of the persons was a tall man with a strong build and a dense look like Sylvester Stallone in Rambo. The other was of medium height and had a squeaky voice like that of Chip n’ Dale. This is what the unreliable source reported about their secret meeting:

“It’s been two months. That’s a long time, isn’t it? I was beginning to think you had chickened out,” said the squeaky one.

“Yes, it has been a really long time. I’m sorry to hear of your lack of trust in me. Actually some anti-RVCE elements had caught wind of our plans. We were supposed to meet last month, but by some means, the opposition found out about our decision and planned to sabotage everything. Luckily, one of my really reliable sources informed me of their sneaky trap and that was why I postponed the meeting. It seems we have a double-crosser in our midst, though for the life of me, I cannot say who it is,” said Rambo, with a trace of suspicion in his voice.

“Is it? Then we must double our security. But it was mighty good thinking to hold our meeting in this good-for-nothing browsing centre, with extremely slow internet speeds, where most websites are blocked and where half the computers don’t work, and if they do work, are full of viruses, spyware, Trojans, and worms. Really good thinking…”

“I must say I am clever. Our previous meeting place has been compromised.”

“What a pity! But I’m sure no one will ever think of looking here. Tell me, how have you been spending your time?”

“Well, I’ve spent most of my time thinking of ways to torture students who are attending the fast track semester, by all means conceivable. Other than that, I’ve been playing Snakes and ladders every day. Life’s been pretty much boring with not many students to torture. But I’m really looking forward to the re-opening day of RVCE. We’ll have a new batch of freshers to torture along with the old ones.”

“Me too… So tell me, Sire. Are all those rumours true?”

“What rumours?”

“Well, uhmm….” There was a slight hesitation in his voice.

“Go on…go on. Tell me what you have heard.”

“Ok. Is…is it tr..true that you are planning to change the college timings?”

“WHAT? How did you know about this? Only top level people like Khodu know about this.” The hints of suspicion returned to Rambo (Note to the readers: The unreliable source could easily analyze his body language)

The squeaky one fiddled his thumbs. After a few seconds he said, “Sir, all the students of our college know about it. In fact, most of them are spreading this news by posting it as status updates on their walls.”

Hearing this, Rambo lost his temper. He screamed, “What is this craziness? What walls? Have you gone completely crazy? How do you post on walls?”

Again, the squeaky one hesitated before he said, “Sir. There’s this social networking site called Facebook and each person has a wall and…”

“Stop. I said STOP. I don’t want to hear anymore. My colleagues and I are proud of ourselves for remaining behind the times. We hate this new generation. Our main aim is to torture students. Nothing more, nothing less… I won’t bother with any technical details. Don’t explain anything.”

Rambo got up and started pacing the floor. He wore heavy boots which made thundering noises as he moved. He continued, “Alright! I’m sorry for being so harsh but I planned to give this news on re-opening day as a nasty surprise to the students. It’s true that I plan to change the timings. From now on college will start at 9 am and end at 5 pm. There will be no short break between 11 am to 11:20 am. The lunch break will be only for fifteen minutes. I took every precaution to keep this plan secret. Unfortunately they’ve found out about my scheme. But never mind. They will suffer anyway because they are all in a state of uncertainty. Hell, even his royal Highness, Octopus Paul isn’t sure. I’m sure he must have lost his psychic powers by now. Hahaha. How is my plan?”

The squeaky one jumped up and said, “It’s the best plan I’ve ever heard. But I have one doubt. If classes are till 5 pm, then when will the quizzes be held?”

Rambo quickened his pace, sipped some coffee and said, “Hey eediot, are you stupid? Why are you so worried? How does it concern you? I’ll answer you anyway. The quizzes will be held 1 hour after classes end, that is, at 6:00 pm.”

The squeaky one took out his handkerchief and wiped his face vigorously. For the sake of convenience, the readers can assume that Rambo’s coffee-enriched saliva must have attacked him.

“But why?” the squeaky one asked, after he had folded his hanky.

“Don’t you see? We can torture them as long as they remain in the college campus, not beyond, because our jurisdiction doesn’t extend so far.”

“Great! What about the day scholars? You know how Bangalore traffic is. How will they get home on time?”

“What do you take me for? A nincompoop? Don’t you see that I purposely extended the time so that day scholars would be tortured the most? And listen to this. I even plan to increase the college bus fares this year and provide sub-standard bus services with buses that either break down every two days, or make too much noise. I love to think that students will be paying for their own doom.”

“Wow Sire! You’ve thought of everything.”

“Wait. You haven’t heard the best part yet – the real icing on the cake! I thought I’d practice a bit of diplomacy. I’ll tell the students that every alternate Saturday is a holiday; a day of rest. This will appease them. But there’s a catch. We are living in the year 2010 AD, my friend, and most public holidays fall on weekends, especially alternate Saturdays. So it makes no difference to us.”

“I just love your plan, Sire, and I just can’t wait for its implementation. By the way, I heard rumours that RVCE students were enjoying their lives when their vacation began. So I did a bit of work myself. The students must pay for the three months of vacation they are given every year. Wanna hear about my great work?”

“Why not? Go on.”

“Well, I’ve ensured that the RVCE website doesn’t get updated at all. Till now, the fee structure hasn’t been put on the website. I’ve also disconnected all the landlines in the administrative offices, and I’ve confiscated all mobile phones from RVCE employees. In this way, students have to take some time to come to the college campus to get information about the fee structure. And when they turn up to pay the fees, my clerks will ensure that they run around the campus, signing Demand Drafts and other things, making it a total waste of their time.” said the squeaky one, rubbing his hands with glee.

The squeaky one sat down and continued, “You haven’t heard the best part yet. I was so irritated by the fact that our students have three months of holidays that I had a talk with some corrupt employees of BESCOM. I asked them to obtain bad quality coal for their thermal power plants and cut power constantly, at irregular times so that our students wouldn’t be able to download and watch movies for many hours, and they would not be able to charge their mobile phones. And listen to this – this is the real kick. I’ve spoken with corrupt people from Television Broadcasting Companies, and they agreed to telecast only boring programs throughout the day so that students wouldn’t be entertained even if, by a slim chance, there was no power cut. From the reports I’ve received, this plan seems to be a success.

“I’ve also spoken with highly influential corrupt political leaders and on my advice; they’ve organized unnecessary bundhs, thus hampering the activities of RVCE students. I also spoke with Auto Shankar – he’s the corrupt guy in charge of Bangalore Autos, and I told him to increase the auto fares, making it really difficult for RVCE students to commute to theatres. Even if they manage to reach theatres, they’ll be forced to leave without watching any movies, because I’ve bribed the theatre owners to increase the ticket rates to exorbitant amounts.”

“Finally, what you are going to hear now is my most notable accomplishment. I have disseminated a new strain of the dengue virus : DEN 1a, DEN 2b, DEN 3c, DEN 4d throughout the city, with the exception of our corrupt residential areas. You very well know what the consequences will be. HA HA HA,” he cackled like an ugly old crone with a long nose and warts on his chin and broken teeth…a whole mouthful of them, with a long pointed hat, spewing saliva in all possible directions.

There was a long pause as Rambo digested all the facts he had heard. Rambo then sat down as he lifted his cup of coffee upwards, and exclaimed, “Bravo. Bravo. Khodu’s training has not been in vain. I’m glad to hear that you are participating in our torturing activities with passion in your rotten and corrupt heart. Khodu ki jai.”

“Khodu ki jai,”shouted the squeaky one, laughing like a hyena and continued “Sire, there are two categories of people in this world; those who torture others and those who are tortured. Our privileged RVCE students belong to the second category,” he said, as he hissed like a snake.

Both of them got up, drank all the contents of their cups and threw their glasses at one of the computer monitors, shattering it (the monitor) into a million pieces. Then they started laughing like ugly old crones with long noses and warts on their chins and broken teeth…a whole mouthful of them, with long pointed hats, spewing saliva in all possible directions.

It was now time for the unreliable source to make himself scarce. The source accidentally pressed the recording button on his camera and the camera’s microphone recorded the crones’ evil laughter. Due to low light conditions, no video was recorded.The source clutched his camera and escaped as quietly as he had entered.

If you have no other better work to do, you can listen to an audio clip of their laughter.
These images say it all!


dandupalya-krishna.jpg image by mutinyin


Die Ende

Based on Facebook status updates, comments and invaluable inputs from Mr. Bond and Mr. Asimov.

Disclaimer : This is a work of fiction

Goodbye folks!

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